How not to take things personally
Do you know who many thoughts our brain produces a day? 50,000! and guess who many of them are positive? only 10,000, so this means that 80% of our thoughts are negative, that's a lot, isn't it?
While I'm driving slowly trying to find specific location, and somebody is driving behind me I feel hunted specially if they started honking and flashing their headlights, I take it personally, I know I shouldn't, but it just happens.
When someone cancels his appointment last minuet with me, I got the feeling that am not important enough, again I take it personally, also when am talking to a group of people and see somebody not paying attention for example if someone is looking to his smartphone, it just happens, i take it personally, but now i will not take it personally! why?
Because now, here and now, i am very conscious that this can happen and more importantly i have a strategy to deal with it, and i will share this strategy with you.
Imagine you really have worked hard on a project but the only thing you get is criticism, so you come home and you want to share this terrible experience, the other one walks away to switch on the TV,
you will take it personally? why do we take things personally?
Somebody says or does something, offended, betrayed by the other one that's what we believe, though it's the other person fault, he is responsible for what we feel, he is the one to blame, wait! who says that? which part of us is speaking? it's our ego
Our ego thinks that others should take us into consideration, our ego doesn't want to be criticized, our ego wants to be acknowledged, is that what you want? do you want to be right?That's exhausting, when my ego takes over, am fighting all the day, I 'am in a constant struggle with the rest of the world, and it drains my energy. wouldn't it be so much easier to not, take things personally? because no one have over power over you, you are free, you have much more harmony and connection between you and other people of course, because your energy can go towards nice things, instead of endlessly. battling against the things that drive you crazy so, the question is do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Some of you will think that I can be happy by being right well, how do you do it , how to become happy by not taking things personally?
We have a strategy to not taking things personally: -
what does mean, it's sound weird, because when i take things personally i 'am convinced it's about me, if i 'am a public speaker and i see someone looking to his phone, i feel offended, i think " Me, Myself and I " sounds familiar? but in fact it's not about me.
what if I try to look at it from the other person perspective, asking myself, why he or she is looking to his or her phone? maybe he has just received an important msg, one he has been waiting for, or the topic of my presentation is not really, his cup of tea, or on the contrary, he finds it very interesting, and he wants to take notes on his smartphone.
I simply want to shift my focus from " Me " to " we " and i will not take it personally and i try to see the intention of the other one ,i make a space for understanding instead of irritation, does this ring a bell with you?
when you put your son to bed but he doesn't want to, he throws himself on the floor and kicking and screaming " i hate you " do you take this personally? no, you don't because you know this not about me. it's about what he wants, what he needs, he is angry because he is just wants to stay up a bit longer, that's it.
So, it's not about me. look at the other person's intention, it's simple as that.
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